Praying happiness

I have a friend. His name is Mumu. We call him Mumu. Nobody knows his real name. We studied together, in Nagpur (India), Biology. It was after many years, we met again. After I heard his story about his past, I was amazed of his existence. He loved a girl when he was in 12^th. He never spoke to her unless it was unavoidable. But yet he some how was always eager to see her just for once. I used to be with him. Outside tuitions. There. Waiting for her. So he can see her just one more time. I always told him, what he was doing was worth less. But he insisted, he just wants to see her.

He wasn’t very close to other guys, but I knew nobody would be his buddy. He used to talk less. All I knew about his family was that his family was disturbed. They used to quarrel a lot. But he some how, found happiness with himself. He used to say I love to smile.

After we completed our 12^th, I went to Pune (some where in Maharasthra, India), for my B.E. then never heard from him. It was as good as I forgot him. But one day, I saw him. By that time, we were graduates. He did B.Sc. in Biotechnology. And was working some where. It was then, when he told me about his past, which I could not figure out when it our present. He still loved that girl.

He said, when we were studying, he was suffering from some auditory hallucination. This is something in which person hears terrifying voices. He told, they used to tell him to do things like don’t talk to someone, don’t sit here, don’t sit there, etc. But he appeared very normal. He said, they okayed him being my friend, as I was worthless, (that is what those voices told, basterds). But as we talked more, I discovered, it was after he started loving that girl, his voices opposed him aggressively.

He used to follow “old things” which said, one should respect women, old people, love country, and such things. When he saw her and decided to love her, he was offending one of the prime “thing”, ‘you should work hard for your future and fall in love later’.

But yet, he decided to love her. Because he loved her. And it made him happy when he thought about her. He knew some how, even she loved him.

It was not that the entire “hallucination thing” started all of a sudden. He used to hear voices since his childhood. Since, his childhood, he said, he believed in God. Whenever he faced any problem, he asked God to help him out. He prayed God that he should pass in Maths exams, his teacher should not scold him today for not doing home work, and such things. God used to tell me what to do, he said sadly. But when time came to love her, he was going against God teaching. Sooner, God’s voice became people’s voices. (“As he communicates through nature”) And then everyone’s voices became aggressive. Though he said it was a gradual process.

Those voices told him, they are capable of harming people. People he loved and cared about. “If you ever speak to her, we will harm her. We will do wrong things to your parents.” And, so, he used to listen to those voices. He did whatever those voices told him to do. Though his family was disturbed, he loved his younger brother. He loved “Finding Nemo”. (If you have seen it, you will know what I am trying to say). Those voices terrified him by saying worst things about her and his brother.

And because of this, his performance decreased. His health was pathetic. He was hardly living, he was dead.

He used his many years, to understand auditory hallucination, read many articles regarding this disease and found a cure for all those terrifying voices.

I am amazed by his efforts done for being normal. But I am touched by his love. He still loves her. “And want to love her till he can remember being alive.” His words, not mine. I found his love kind of childish. I mean, he saw her, he hardly knew her. He never knew her past or parents. But he used to say, I think I will always love this girl, before 5 years. And he is keeping that promise.

But here is the confusing part, those voices told him, she loved him, too. If he stays away from her, they will end up being together. He again did what those voices told.

But this is the most critical part; he never spoke with her when she was trying to speak. He started avoiding her. Even the last day of his Biology class, she was waiting for him, on the parking road. It was her birthday. Sunday. But he listened to those voices and avoided her. He said, he was so eager to wish her, but they said, they will hurt her if he spoke.

What this fellow was concerned about was, (rather he was afraid) what is she starts thinking all boys are same and want the same thing. Well, checking correctness, really all boys are same, they have to be same. But this boy, he begged to differ, he really loved her.

He knows she will never love him, now that he killed each voice. But his concern, still is, (and as he says will be) will she be happy? Whenever he looked at her, he saw her smile. He saw how beautiful she was. She made him happy. And he thinks if she makes him happy, why he should make her unhappy, by telling her he still loves her. All he wanted now was that, she should be happy. Because if she was happy somewhere, he would have a reason to be happy. It didn’t mattered, whether she loved him or not. He just prays, she should be happy and should find her true love which he emphasizes to be nice and caring. Well, he said, he is normal and can pray to same God which once was cruel.

He was so sorry, he never spoke to her. He never meant to break her heart.

When I said, you fool, you can tell her now what happened. He said, I know it is hard to wait for some idiot who hardly speaks. That too for 5 years. She might have moved on. All I want is she should be happy. And you know what, I will never ever come in her way if that is disturbing her. I just want her to be happy. If she say to forget her, even once, I will forget her forever. I know she will make a good decision. And, any way, you know about my family. I don’t want her to be unhappy with them. The love I can feel is of hers and my brother’s. But the only love I can see now is my brother. I want to do all things I can do for him. Yet, I think I will always love her. Even after some 40-50 years. I asked what after that. He said with a smile, I probably will die. We laughed. I said, “Yes, you do that. Any how I will need some one to play cards in hell.”

He answered a call, said it was urgent and went. I asked myself, is that love normal? We often speak, but not about his love life. Because I know he will always be happy with the love he has.